A 3 session journey of grief and connection around childlessness, bereavement, child-free choices and parenting
Do you have grief around parenting or not having children?
Have you lost relationships or friendships around the issue of children because people seem to understand what it’s like to be you?
Does the conversation about why you don’t have children sometimes feel too difficult to have?
Are you grieving the death of a child?
Are you lonely in your parenting and need more community support?
Would you like more acceptance around your choice to be child-free?
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The background for this series
We know that parents have unacknowledged pain around parenting, childless people have pain around not having children and child-free people have unseen pain around being understood for their experience.
We also acknowledge how society is geared towards parenting and that there is some support for parents out there, and that childless and also child-free people are very invisible in the balance of things. We want to acknowledge this imbalance and this is why we are recommending some resources below to address this.. Which is not to say, the grief and isolation around parenting is at all to be ignored . It’s actually very difficult to talk about parenting challenges and parents often get blamed for hardship they face.
You might have found yourself in situations where people with different experiences around parenting don’t seem to understand what your experience is like and this may have shut you down from talking about your experience. (Those of us hosting this event have all had this experience!)
A bereaved parent for example, might not have a sense of trust that a parent can listen empathically to her/his/their experience. A childless person might feel a lack of trust that both parents and child-free people will understand their experience.
We think this is a structural issue rather than one about individuals or ‘types of people’. We may feel shut down because there isn’t the right holding or container to have these conversations. that there aren’t the appropriate agreements in place to feel safe.
This series is being held with principles of nonviolence, which are:
1. Nonharming and nonjudgement
2.Empathy (giving and receiving)
3.Speaking your truth
4.We need each other
5.We can find inner peace in the reality we find ourselves in.
The purpose of this series is to connect across our differences to learn, grow and to heal our communities. It may not be suitable if you are in a fresh phase of grief, in which you need to focus on self-care and you don’t have space to hear someone else’s experience.
It is a space for all genders.
These are the steps we are taking to build a strong container
We will provide support and structure for empathic listening and listening without reacting and judgement.
We will intervene if there is any unconscious bias, judgement or advice giving.
We are providing a gradual, several -step approach to this dialogue.
We have skilled NVC practitioners to bring empathic approaches to the holding of this series.
This series has been designed by a childless person, a child-free person and a parent.
This is a 3 session event.
Sunday 11th October – 2pm – 3.30pm BST
Session 1: Separate Sharing spaces for a) Bereaved parents and Parents and b) Childless and Child-free people
Sunday 18th October – 2pm- 5pm BST (Note this is a 3 hour session)
Session 2: Fishbowl sharing to hear each other across our different experiences
Sunday 25th October – 2pm- 3.30pm GMT
Session 3: Grief and Integration circle for all participants together.
If the sliding scale suggested would prevent you from coming, please make a donation of your choice.
Resources:
Listening Project – Verene and Alastair https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/b07wc11s (you might need to cut and paste into your browser)
These less than 4 minutes were recorded for the listening project, a BBC radio programme. Verene and Alastair had IVF and a stillborn son. It’s a very beautiful account.
Lorna Gibb’s Childless Voices https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/feb/06/childless-voices-by-lorna-gibb-review (you might need to cut and paste into your browser)
This is essential reading for all of us to have an insight in the variety of experiences childless women have. A strong point of this book is it includes voices from many different countries and cultures, including India, the Balkans, the Middle East, indigenous Australia, Ghana and the UK. It’s an intense read. Good to have a reading buddy to go through it with.
Grief Walks 